Changing Gear

 

Being in nature has always been one of my favourite things. From the time I was little, I have always loved camping, being outside, getting dirty, exploring, finding treasures...

So to find myself in a job where I get to spend all day (and night) in the wild, I'm in paradise.

Waking up to frosty mornings and hot coffee, eating dinner by a campfire under the stars - I almost have to pinch myself sometimes to check that I'm not dreaming.

When I was a little girl, I was once out driving with my family and we stopped on the road to ask for directions. A woman (likely a ranger), wearing a khaki shirt and work pants, her hair tied up effortlessly into a ponytail - gave my Dad directions - while we waited in the car. I remember looking at her and her tough looking 4WD and thinking to myself that I wanted to be her when I grew up. She got to work in the bush and she looked wild and tough and smart. I thought of her occasionally as I bypassed the thought of being a ranger, and moved towards different career pastures..

Fast forward to this week when I up in the Alpine National Park, when I had a beautiful moment with myself. I was driving along the ridgeline of a mountain range in the Landcruiser, listening to some serious beats, and I looked down at my arm resting on the window sill. My arm poking out of a khaki shirt, the Parks Victoria Contractor sign on the door - I realised that I had in fact become the woman I had seen through the tiny windows of the yellow Corona when I was only little. I was working in the bush, and I AM wild and tough and smart.

It's not often you get to see the precise moment you realise you are living your dream so clearly. It was just a moment. I was in the car by myself so no-one to mark it with - I guess I could have radioed it through to Pete in the car ahead - but instead I just smiled internally, changed gears and kept driving.

Happiness is a funny thing. Sometimes it happens so privately and passes through and touches places in you, heals sore spots, warms you in others.

But I have noticed that I feel different since I've come back this week.

I feel like I've changed gears. I think maybe I've been in the wrong gear for awhile now. Revving the engine a bit high, trying to keep up with the cars in front of me.

What I realised out in the bush, living the life I always wanted, is that I want to be in a lower gear for while at least. Quiet. Slow. Just moving enough to see the obstacles in the way, and deal with them individually. Or not. The road might be really smooth and maybe I'll just drive slowly. It certainly makes it easier to see out the window and appreciate the ridiculous beauty of being still and quiet. Notice the little things, like the light coming through the tips of the new growth on the trees. Or the little spotted pardalotes dancing in the trees together, so tiny and so beautiful.

So excuse me if I don't keep up with you for awhile. I'm going to hang out in the slow lane for awhile. I'm quite happy being by myself, taking stock in the sunshine as we head towards Winter. It's nothing personal. I just don't feel like being around other people at the moment.

Hope you're all finding peace in the slowing down of Autumn (if you're in the Southern Hemisphere) - enjoy the moments of soporific sunshine and the hazy light in the afternoons, the quiet descent into Winter.

I'm still here.

I'm just resting.

Retreating,

Renewing.

In gratitude

Anna

xx